So, here’s my plea, sprinkled with the hard-earned wisdom of someone who’s walked barefoot through the glass:
Believe women who say they’re afraid. It doesn’t matter if she’s being abused physically; abuse takes many forms, including coercive control.
Stop asking “Why did she stay?” Start asking, “What barriers kept her from leaving safely?”
Teach teens that love is not possession. The earlier we unlearn toxic scripts, the better.
Remember that some suicides are homicides in disguise. Death certificates don’t capture intent; stories do.
And if you’re reading this as someone dangling on the edge — wondering if leaving will push him over it — realize you need support. You deserve a life where you’re not walking on eggshells, a prisoner of an erratic, dangerous partner. Be strategic. Reach out. Tell a wise friend, a therapist, the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233). Secrets are the soil where violence grows; speaking is the sunlight that withers it. Your voice is your power.
When people learn my story, they sometimes tilt their heads in pity and say, “I can’t imagine.” But here’s the scary part: It is imaginable, because it happens every day in neighborhoods that look like yours and mine. These things can happen to anyone.
I don’t share these memories to haunt anyone. I share them to offer a flashlight. If even one person spots the warning signs and steps off the path my husband forced me onto, the telling is worth it.
Leaving should be liberating, not lethal. And love — real love — never demands you pay for your freedom with your own or someone else’s life.
Shavaun Scott is a psychotherapist specializing in trauma recovery. Her memoir, “Nightbird,” explores personal and professional journeys through suicide, abuse and healing.
Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
This article originally appeared on HuffPost in April 2026.
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