Sahaj is off this week. The following first appeared June 6, 2024.
Dear Sahaj: My family are immigrants from East Asia. I am the older of two, by about 7.5 years. Growing up, my younger sibling’s needs always came before mine, and I was expected to accept that. For example, if there were school events for each of us that occurred simultaneously, my mother would always choose to go to my sibling’s event. If there was a last piece of candy, my sibling would get that. The other side of the coin, that the younger sibling is expected to listen to and respect the older sibling, was never reciprocated. This environment made me feel that my mother loved my sibling more than me, and it created a great rift between me and my mother. Over the years we’ve had conversations, but my mother is not capable of changing. I have learned to accept that this is who she is. I am now in my 40s.
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